READING

Scorpio New Moon Reflections: The Wisdom Within

Scorpio New Moon Reflections: The Wisdom Within

nephilim rising jacklyn cherie the house of twigs thot witch witchy transsformation

I don’t think anyone needs me to be their gauge and tell them how rough October was; I also don’t think anyone needs me to tell them how rough things continue to be.

Throughout the summer, which had a brutal astro forecast, I kept telling myself “well just get through this and things will calm down” or “work with these energies, instead of allowing them to negatively affect you”. Then it was–

“Just get through Eclipse season”

“Just get through these Retrogrades”

“Just get through this Moon Phase”

“Just get through”

Just. Get. Through.

The entire time I would recite, even repetitively write a Robert Frost quote:

“The only way out is through.”

So, I took it literally, adopted it as my mantra and figured I just had to get through the bullshit.

Get through the pain, the paralyzing self-doubt, the lessons, the trauma, the abysmal depths of despair and darkness.

“Just get through it!” I would scream at the top of my lungs to myself as tears flowed down my cheeks, splashing like chaotic waters on my journal, making my words disappear and become inked blood stains on the pages.

Then of course the negative self-talk would kick in and say, “why are you not strong enough to get through *gestures broadly*…this?”

I wanted to punch myself in the face come September.

Annoyed.

Angry.

Resentful.

Stagnant.

Ungrounded.

Unmotivated.

Fuck getting through, can I get out?

Can I get off this ride?

Is there a button to stop this madness?

What in the entire fuck is happening?

Why are all my demons coming out to play at once, every day for the last 5 months?

Why has 2018 been so fucking unreal?

Why is time moving differently?

Why is there so much blatant hatred all around?

Did the collective lose its proverbial mind? If so, why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

the house of twigs scoprio new moon the nephilim risisng

The why of life, of Magick, of Science, of how things work; the intricacies of what makes people do what they do or believe how they believe, is what fascinates me the most—not the what, or the how, or even the who, but the why.

Like a toddler pushing you to the brink of madness, I am that person who will ask, “Why?”

I need to know why things are happening; why feelings, situations, thoughts, patterns, etc. happen.

My closest friends say, “this is why you are a true Philosopher.”

“This is why you are a Teacher; you say and think things in a way that other people do not, cannot.”  

Honestly, I never really considered myself smart enough to be a Philosopher.

Just like I never considered myself “light enough” to be a Healer.

But shadow work is healing, and I am a Shadow Priestess.

That’s my area of expertise, but that’s for another blog: The Plutonian Healer.

The stars and planets have been bringing up so much debrisfrom the murky bottom of my mind and soul.

I know how deep I am, I know what my psyche is like, but I had no idea just how deeply buried some of my trauma, some of my self-sabotaging habits are.

I know that I prefer drowning in depths of darkness, shadows and liminal spaces over resting in the shallows—one of my forms of self-harm.

I know that we are here to learn as much as we are here to teach, but there comes a point when the student needs time to process the lessons and apply them to life before being thrown more lessons.

And, that is where I am at right now; that is where a lot of people are right now.

Everyone I talk to, whether magickally inclined or mundane are having a horrific time in life right now.

As I sat back and watched the pattern form, I started wondering why.

Why is everyone having such a difficult time? Why is everything so fucking heavy? Why does it feel like we are walking through quick sand, every single day?

I have a high tolerance for bullshit, but lately I am being inched closer and closer to my wits end; I have waved my white flag more times than I can count, at first surrendering, then in pure defeat and the Universe laughed at me.

I have screamed, pleaded, reflected, dug up, cried, processed, burned, shed, and cut away so much over and over and over again.

I need a break, or I am going to break.

“Can I get a fucking sign? A sign that all this is, dare I say, worth it? Otherwise, I am literally going to raise hell. Can I get something, anything? Because I don’t know what I am doing anymore and am feeling defeated here.”

the house of twigs scoprio new moon the nephilim risisng

I pleaded to my Self, my Ancestors, my Gods, the Dead, the land Spirits, Fae and anyone/anything that would listen.  

Then a quote came up in my fb memories, and everything clicked. 

“But if these years have taught me anything it is this: you can never run away. Not ever. The only way out is in.” Junot Diaz

I sobbed.

I fucking sobbed until I had no more tears left to cry.

I was feeling cornered, and in fact tried to run away from my life a few times over the last few weeks.

I have felt stuck, stagnant, bullied, (self) victimized and I was beginning to resent *everything*.

And, it’s all because I was going in the wrong direction.

I was forcing myself to go through situations/emotions/thoughtsthat were not necessarily mine, but external energies that I adopted as my own.

I know the quote can be interpreted as saying you must enter the space, or go towards whatever it is that you fear, that you run from, that haunts you, and face it, conquer it, process it and then you’re free but sometimes that attaining that freedom means going within because its what’s within that haunts us.

We must go within and search through our internal baggage and unpack it. All.

I had been desperately searching for answers, solace, peace, wisdom, guidance, and relief; all along it was inside me.

Waiting.

Anticipating my arrival back home to Self.

“Welcome home, a familiar voice said. I have been waiting for you.”

That voice was mine.

  • Author Posts
Author, Instructor for ThoT – The Nephilim Rising
Jaclyn Cherie has her roots in Upstate New York. She is an Author, Word Alchemist, Hedge Witch, Feminist, and Luciferian. Finding her Muses in the most unusual places and people, she strives to tell raw, real stories of Magick, the human condition, Sacred Sex, Women’s Issues and, her favorite topic, rebellion.
×
Author, Instructor for ThoT – The Nephilim Rising
Jaclyn Cherie has her roots in Upstate New York. She is an Author, Word Alchemist, Hedge Witch, Feminist, and Luciferian. Finding her Muses in the most unusual places and people, she strives to tell raw, real stories of Magick, the human condition, Sacred Sex, Women’s Issues and, her favorite topic, rebellion.
Latest Posts
  • nephilim rising jacklyn cherie the house of twigs thot witch witchy transsformation
  • http://thehouseoftwigs.com/2018/09/05/the-complexity-of-capitalism-and-cultural-appropriation-my-opinion-of-sephoras-starter-witch-kit/
  • kindness the house of twigs nephilim rising jaclyn cherie the house of twigs thos
  • the nephilim rising jaclyn cherie witch thot

RELATED POST

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.