How do I know when magick has worked? I have put spells on the guy I like but he still doesn’t ask me out. Am I doing my spells wrong? How can I tell when he will love me? I’ve done spells before that worked but why not now? Did I run out of magick or do it wrong?
Thank you for writing and sharing your story with us. Unrequited love can be very difficult and frustrating, especially when you have cast multiple love spells. We all want to be loved. We all know what it is to ache for someone.
In your letter, Tia, you ask a number of questions including; knowing when your magick has worked? Whether it is possible to run out of magick? And you ask about love spells. These are three big and complex topics. So, for ease of understanding I am going to focus on love spells in this column. I will discuss the topics of how to know when your magick has worked, and whether magick can run out in another column.
My first piece of advice is to STOP. Don’t do any more love spells at this stage. There are three reasons I say stop, firstly; because working a lot of spells on the same subject is a recipe for disaster. In general, casting multiple spells at random on the same subject just becomes energetically messy and can lead to an equally messy outcome. Secondly, casting multiple spells means that you won’t know which spell worked and therefore, you won’t be able to repeat it. Finally, while there are spells that have the power to make people fall in love, I rarely, if ever, suggest using them. I will perform love spells on request, but if my client seeks my opinion, I nearly always advise against love spells. This isn’t because love spells are bad or evil. Magick is neutral. The reason I can be resistant to perform love spells is because people seeking love magick are often motivated by feelings of lack and fear. Feeling and encouraging the need to rely on magick for love can actually increase feelings of lack and fear. Love spells work, but as to whether they last or not largely depends on the person’s readiness for the responsibility of love.
Despite being the most common kind of spells, love spells are among some of the most dangerous spells you can cast. I tell my students to think of love as nuclear emotional energy. Love has the potential to do a lot of good but it can also cause a lot of harm if not handled correctly. The emotion of love comes with its own special breed of insanity. When we initially fall in love our brain chemistry changes. These changes not only bring pleasure, but they also bring a maelstrom of uncertainty that can blow your sense of self apart.
Love can be wonderous, addictive, obsessive, and reckless. Love is one of, if not the most powerful energetic force. It drives us to care for and protect our loved ones. Love gives our lives meaning. Many of humanity’s crowning achievements have been inspired by love, the arts in particular. However, love can also lead us to hurt those we love and even hurt ourselves. Many a war has been fought in the name of love. The logic and chaos of love is unlike anything else. As such, the idea of delving into the area of love magick is not a decision to take lightly.
Love spells are relatively easy but they are not the path to a healthy and sustainable love. Love is dependent on free will. Most love spells negate the possibility of love because they act on the target’s free will. What most love spells deliver is a very convincing, enchanting, and immersive experience of something that very closely approximates love.
If you cast a love spell and it works, don’t expect to be able to question whether your love is either ‘true’ or ‘destined’, or whether you are soul-mates or twin-flames etc., because it’s unlikely you’ll ever know. In my experience, it doesn’t matter if the person you are casting a love spell on is your soul-mate or not. If magick is what brings a couple together, there is often a cloud of uncertainty left hanging over the relationship. Love spells can bring you what you desire, but they can also sour your enjoyment of the relationship over time.
When people meet their soul-mate, twin-flame, etc., the magnetic attraction is usually immediate, intense, and unquestionable for both parties. As such, there is usually no need for a love spell.
If you meet someone you consider a soul-mate and you find yourself needing to cast a love spell, also be sure to ask yourself what are you afraid of? Why do you think you need a spell? What are you willing to risk? What are you willing to sacrifice? Why you want this particular person so badly? Are you filling the void within or, are they genuinely the traits you’d like in a partner? What do you know about the desired person? What is your own self esteem like? Will your identity be shaped by dating this person? What is the outcome you’re truly hoping for? What does love look like to you? Are you doing the spell to boost the love you share, or because you feel a lack in yourself? If you hold the belief that you don’t deserve love, the last thing you should be doing is casting love spells. If you don’t work on loving and respecting yourself before getting into a relationship, those negative self-beliefs and doubts can eat away at the relationship and even dull your ability to feel love within yourself.
That’s not to say love spells don’t work. In fact, most of the problems lie in the fact that love spells do work. However, because it won’t be ‘pure’ love, love spells can often backfire after a period of time. This can lead to toxic, addictive, obsessive, and dangerous relationships. It is very easy to get caught by your own spell when working love magick.
Some of the outcomes of love spells I have personally seen include: the person who was the target of a love spell becoming obsessed with spell-caster the point of stalking. I’ve seen love spells unbalance and hurt both the person casting the spell and the target of the spell. I’ve seen repeated cases of witches getting exactly the love they want, only to realize it wasn’t really what they wanted, leaving them stuck with an enchanted lover they can’t get rid of and a sore heart. A lot of love spells end up leading to loneliness. The pain of feeling lonely within a relationship is a very specific and exhausting pain that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.
There are some witches who have cast successful love spells and found happiness over the long term, but the demands of constantly tending to the love spell wears them down over time. Many become privately jaded because they just can’t tell if the love is true or not. But then there are some witches who are happy to live with that uncertainty and grey morality in order to be with their beloved.
The love being expressed through a love spell is a purely selfish love. Even if you believe that the relationship and love you offer is good, not letting the other person decide that for themselves is still ultimately a supremely selfish act. Some people are comfortable with being selfish, some are not. Only you know your limits.
The other drawback with love spells is that because you are dealing with such intense and volatile energy, most love spells need to be regularly bolstered. The price of keeping the love spell alive, and thus your relationship, is often immense and forever increasing—a fact many unethical and underhanded magick practitioner’s fail to mention. They are counting on your greed and ignorance in order to lock you into a magickal debt that you might not be able to pay. Don’t be ignorant. Don’t be greedy.
A lot of love spells demand blood magick. Blood magick isn’t inherently dark or evil, but it can certainly be used for nefarious reasons. Blood magick can start quite small, as small as a single drop of blood. However, capturing and changing someone’s free will is not small work, and it most certainly isn’t a one off, at least not if you want the love to last. So, what might start with a single drop of blood can over time—weeks, months, years, decades… lead to major sacrifices.
When playing with love magick, bespelled-love can very quickly become a well that you can endlessly drink from but never feel quenched.
The idea of using magick to ensnare that ‘ideal’ lover is vert tempting when you’re a new witch. Goodness, it can be tempting even when you’re an older witch! But over time, most witches have seen the ruinous results of love spells and tend to stay clear of such work for themselves.
To be clear, I am not saying ‘never use love magick’, but I am saying handle it carefully. The choice is always yours.
So, what is the alternative if not love spells? How can magick help you find love?
Step one: work on yourself.
The dreaded cliché of working on yourself first. Nearly every client that comes to me wanting a love spell has been told to work on themselves. It is therefore not surprising you might be turned off by the suggestion. But some things are clichés for a reason. Can you love and be loved in return if you don’t do self-work? Yes. It’s just a lot harder. And as I say to my clients, love is hard enough, we don’t need to add further challenges to it.
Your sense of happiness and love needs to start with you. The health of your mind, heart, and soul is your fundamental responsibility, a responsibility not just to yourself but also to anyone you’re in a relationship with. If we stop working on ourselves and maintaining our self-awareness, it’s far too easy to project our issues on to our partner and expect them to fix us. This pattern can breed discontent and contempt. These feelings are cancerous in any relationship.
I am not going to pretend that self-work easy. Because even if you love your partner, and even if they love you, you still have to be capable of expressing love, recognizing love, and feeling it within yourself as it Is offered. If your mind, heart, or soul are sick or unbalanced, it can cut you off from connecting with other people, even your soul-mate. Self-work isn’t easy but it is absolutely vital if you want to experience love.
Quite often when I am counseling people about their relationships, my first suggestion is that both parties need to work on their mental health before looking at the reasons why the relationship isn’t working. It is impossible to heal a relationship if you don’t first know how, or are unable to care for and take responsibility for yourself.
A surprising number of people find it difficult to know when and/or believe they are loved—no matter what their loved ones offer. This is why opening yourself to experiencing different kinds of love is so important. Everyone has their own unique love-language: a way of expressing and understanding love. We all have unique ways we like to express love (e.g., physical, verbal, task orientated etc.) We also have our own ways of knowing when feel loved. This is why learning about yourself and how to love yourself is just as important as finding someone to share your life with. Because one day you will have to teach them how to love you, and you will have to learn how to love them in return.
Even if you do meet your soul mate or twin flame, we don’t always end up with our soul-mate or twin flame in every life-time. It is important that your heart and soul get to experience different kinds of love, not just soul-mate love. Sometimes your destiny in love is vastly different and vastly better than anything you could dream up. Spells that impinge on free will can impinge on other areas in your life, blocking blessings, people, and events that were supposed to come into your life.
Opening yourself to different experiences of love and working on yourself are two of the most powerful and magickal things you can do in order to attract love.
Step two: cast a spell for self-love.
The successful and sustainable love spells I have seen work are self-love spells and the more general love-spells. Love spells that respect free will and respect the flow and ebb and tide of the Universe are far more fruitful than love spells that seek to control a person’s free will.
Self-Love spells are incredibly powerful. I’ve never known a self-love spell to fail. Self-love spells also help with subsequent love spells. In my experience, there is some truth to the law of attraction, like can attract like. If you already love yourself and are in the flow of being open to love, fluent in various languages of love, as well as being able to express and feel love, you will be casting any future love magick from a solid energetic foundation. However, often when you do the work on yourself and get to this place of understanding love, you probably won’t need to cast a spell to attract love. The combination of wisdom, compassion, balance, and grace that comes with self-love are naturally enticing, alluring and charismatic.
Loving yourself is the most powerful love spell you can cast.
Step three: cast a general love spell.
What does a healthy love spell look like? First off, it wouldn’t be focused on a single person. A healthy love spell will be general love spell, that is, a spell to attract a healthy, passionate, and joyful love with the right person. This approach respects and trusts the Universe and all of its divinity to deliver true love when the time is right, rather than trying to force its hand by focusing on a specific person.
In essence, a general love spell lets the Universe know that you feel ready for love and are open to receiving love.
The path ahead.
As we finally circle back to Tia and her situation, I will outline how we plan to work together to address her questions and reach her goals. Tia was kind enough to let me share this process. The first step will be to undo all of the spells Tia has cast. Tia could do this on her own, or she can work with another witch. This time, Tia and I will work together to undo the spells she has cast.
Next, I will guide and support Tia as she works through the self-work referenced above. I will provide a sacred and safe space for her to fully relax and focus on exploring her reasons for wanting this particular person, her self-esteem, and her understanding of love. This journey will also encourage Tia to look at the emotional tones and visualizations she would like in a relationship.
Once we have worked through that material, we will cast a self-love spell and then sit with the outcomes of this self-love spell for a period of time before revisiting whether Tia still needs and wants to cast a love spell.
Love spells work but they must be handled with care. They are not something to rush into. Even the shortest most delicately worded love spell can open the door to paradise or hell. This is why it is important to know thy self.
Love magick is powerful, but if you’re doing the work, growing and evolving and opening yourself to love, it’s highly likely you won’t need any love spells.
The only limits to magick are your own. What are your values, morals, and ethics when it comes to love magick?
Love is far more powerful and wise than we can imagine. Love has its ups and downs. Love is constantly flowing from chaos to order and back to chaos again. So, while love can be scary, if you can learn to trust in love and in your deservedness of love, as opposed to trying to control it through magick, you just might find that your dreams come true far sooner than you think.
You are loved, even if you don’t feel it. Trust that love is there for you. Love is a constant and infinite thread of energy that winds through everything. All you have to do is believe in yourself and believe you are worthy of love. As you reach for love, it reaches for you. Start with loving yourself and trust that everything will flow from there.
Letters to a new witch: Spirituality, science, religion, abuse, awakenings, and healings. (Trigger warnings.)How do I know when magick has worked? I have put spells on the guy I like but he still doesn’t ask me out. Am I doing my spells wrong? How can I tell when he will love me? I’ve done spells before that worked but why not now? Did I run out of magick […]
How do I know when magick has worked? I have put spells on the guy I like but he still doesn’t ask me out. Am I doing my spells wrong? How can I tell when he will love me? I’ve done spells before that worked but why not now? Did I run out of magick […]
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