My Consulta had arrived.
I was in the middle of Guanajuato, Mexico alone, a week before my 35th birthday when I decided to stop ignoring the hints and contact a Tata. I had waited nervously for three weeks.
Three weeks of me telling myself I had wasted my money. Three weeks of me waiting to be disappointed by another vague Consulta. Three weeks of me hoping with all my heart I might be able to stop searching.
It felt like my ‘Last Chance Saloon’.
The Lwa had shown themselves to me, I ran to Vodou with an open heart but try as I might, my defiant streak wasn’t having any ‘serving’ of any one. Lwa, God or Spirit. There were too many rules.
The same was true of Santeria, two particular Orishas had shown themselves a year later and spoken of building a relationship with them. I did so, but on my own terms and under their instruction.
There is no Santeria without the Orishas but there are the Orishas without Santeria.
Just the Spirits and I.
I needed a system that could help me make sense of a strange spirit who had entered my life recently. He was protective, charming but so elegantly brutal I was head over heels.
I was also having the age old complication of wondering if I was delusional about Mr Elegantly Brutal as I was having a hard time believing his kind existed. Surely it was only on TV right!?
Until a stranger asked if I was aware this spirit was with me and warned me off him.
I could hear my heart beating through my chest hovering over the email attachment, teasing myself with every passing moment.
Tridents had been following me for years and my research led me down the normal paths; it was getting frustrating. As an English girl Quimbanda wasn’t even on my radar, I had no idea of its existence. I fell over it one day when I dived down a rabbit hole, all I had was one website to go off.
Fast forward to Mexico and everything was different, I was different. Admitting my own darkness. My penchant for things forbidden.
I am now elegantly brutal.
Wine was poured as I sat at the kitchen table and feverishly read the words on the screen.
Not once, but over and over again.
An ancestral connection, my court and a few extra spirits later and I knew.
I was home.
Mr Elegantly Brutal had been mentioned and he fit in so perfectly, I began to feel less like an outsider in the world for the first time in my life.
I wasn’t a freak.
The blood, the sex, the honour and the sovereignty are the snakes of my becoming.
The snakes of me.
I am Quimbanda.
My Consulta had arrived. I was in the middle of Guanajuato, Mexico alone, a week before my 35th birthday when I decided to stop ignoring the hints and contact a Tata. I had waited nervously for three weeks. Three weeks of me telling myself I had wasted my money. Three weeks of me waiting to […]